Category Archives: Random

January, I hate you!

Demon Kitty's Cold!

Demon Kitty’s Cold!

It’s official. It’s now so cold in New England that my penis has fully retracted inside me. I feel like Chaz Bono. This much penis retraction hasn’t happened since Rosie O’Donnell was cast as Betty Rubble.

In Boston it’s literally five degrees out right now. Five degrees! Even my sweet little, she-wolf, kitten, Geoffrey Whiskerbottoms, is upset. Little bitch practically clawed my face off when I pulled the covers off him this morning. It’s actually so cold I had to moisturize with Tapatio just to keep my skin looking alive today. Thank god things warm up next month from the HEAT of my birfday …Daddy’s turning 27 23! And as you all know, Daddy’s b-day is the event of the year.

Now where’s my flippin hot chocolate?!

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Vintage Sonja Morgan!

An old modeling shot of one of my favorite Real Housewives of NYC, Sonja “I cook in a toaster oven and never wear panties” Morgan, surfaced on Bravo’s Facebook page and I couldn’t be happier!

What a fox! Someone keeps up with her bikini waxes!

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D-Nast Judges The X-Factor

Intern Kay and I pose for the paps at The X-Factor taping in Providence, RI

Happy Sunday kittens! Hopefully you’re drinking the day away like me, in denial that tomorrow is Monday! Anyways, I wanted to fill you all in about my Friday night visit to Rhode Island to see a taping of The X-Factor, a singing competition reality show starring Simon Cowell, L.A. Reid, Demi Lovato and BRITNEY SPEARS as judges. Yes, I said Britney and I hope you jizzed as much as I did at the thought of seeing America’s favorite pop princess in person.

The D-Nast dream team (me, Smash and intern Kay) headed down to Providence on Friday afternoon after cutting out of work early. We decided to pre-party at my favorite trashy restaurant/barcade, Dave & Busters. The tables were sticky, but it was worth it because daddy loves himself some sliders and buffalo wings! Plus, we got to make complete asses of ourselves playing arcade games.What’s not to love?

Then it was time for the action. We trotted across the street and waited in a hot, sweaty line of tween girls and closeted gays to file into the arena. The taping was emcee’d by some douchebag who used to host a show that aired at 3 a.m. called Street Smarts. He was lame and his jokes weren’t funny but the dumb tweens in the house ate it up when he played One Direction.

As for the judges, here are my observations:

  • Simon – just as crochety and lame as you’d expect him to be
  • L.A. Reid – dressed in a suit and kind of boring, but sometimes he brought the sass
  • Britney – Poor girl must be seriously depressed or on some conflicting meds because she could barely formulate a sentence, even though she was supposed to be giving feedback to the contestants. Her fiance/manager/robot controller (Jason Trawick), kept coming over to her during breaks to feed her lines in her ear. It was sad. I wish Brit Brit could be the fierce diva that America wants her to be.
  • Demi Lovato – Uber bitch! I was honestly disappointed with her. You know I love me some Demi but she was really mean to somemost of the contestants and she didn’t articulate herself very well. It’ll be interesting to see how they edit her on the show.

    Demi was a tad rude for my liking.

The contestants were mostly alright, but there was some serious stand-out talent that I cannot wait to see on TV, including:

  • An adorable school nurse rapper named “Miss Graphic.”
  • A 13-year-old girl with the most soulful voice ever who sang Nina Simone’s “Feeling Good” …it escapes me (too many drugs), but her name was Carly something.
  • A crazy young country-style chick who sang Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats,” with a cracked-out emphasis on the line, “I’M DRUNK.” Homegirl was like, 12.
  • Jillian Jensen, who got a standing ovation from all 4 judges (and who made Demi cry with her touching performance and talk about combating bullies).

Strong female leads all around! All in all it was a fun time.  Listen to this week’s D-Nast Radio episode for a full recap of the experience. What’d you do this weekend, D-Nasters?

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Spotted: Eager Beaver!

Thank God for construction workers and their sweaty biceps, potty mouths and filthy minds! This is a REAL sign on a real truck. Made my day. I’ll show you where to put that 2-by-4 mister!

 

 

 

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Mary Kate Olsen and her Daddy

Today on my D-Nast radio show, we mentioned Mary Kate‘s new stepdad boyfriend. Check out how ridiculous homegirl looks next to her 42-year-old man and his daughter! I guess if you grow up on set thinking Bob Saget is your father, you’re bound to grow up with some daddy issues.

Also, did smoking cigs become cool again? I can’t keep track.

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Super Nerd Goes Bananas!

OMG geeks gone wild! This video is a must watch for anyone that’s …well, for anyone. Boy acts like he he’s on an episode of Oprah’s Favorite Things. Watch and laugh as fifteen-year-old Jack Andraka wins $75,000 for his work with pancreatic cancer early detection. …I love how even the other nerds on stage are like “Bitch, calm down.”

I’ve got two words for you Jack: CALL ME.

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Future Arrested Stalker – Miley Edition

I love Miley myself, but this man has certainly crossed the line into psychopath territory. I demand extra security on Ms. Cyrus IMMEDIATELY. Stay strong girl.

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Ancient Chinese Sex Toys: Yes, Please!

WTF was this used for? Gerbils?

If you’re in New York City, go check out the exhibit Terracotta Warriors and you’ll find some nasty ancient Chinese sex toys from 221 B.C.E. Apparently, these toys were placed in tombs for some “after-Earth” fun! For more ancient dirty toy images check out this Huffington Post article.

P.S. Where’s the chinese dragon anal beads?

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Madonna Flashes Nipple During Concert – Because Nobody Wants to See That

At her Istanbul concert over the weekend, Madonna, horrifyingly, flashed her right nipple during a performance of “Human Nature.”

“Yuck,” said everyone.

Entertainment Weekly has the full scoop as well as some lovely video here.

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Some gay art for your happy home

Fab.com is selling some amazing drag queen art. Loves it! Maybe D-Nast will have a drag photo shoot. Who here would wear a photo of my ass in a thong on a t-shirt? Don’t all raise your hands at once.

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