Tag Archives: Britney Spears

3 Diva Songs I’ll Never Get Sick Of

While making my way through a bottle of vodka last night, I thought about my favorite drinking jams …the songs that I’ve gotten the nastiest to over the years and the songs that I’ll NEVER get sick of. Here are my picks for top 3.

#3 – Beyonce – Crazy in Love

Crazy in Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#2 – X-Tina – Dirrty

As Redman says within the first 10 seconds of the song “Christina, you’s nasty” and D-Nast loves it.

Dirrty Video

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#1 – Britney Spears – Gimme More

Gimme More Performance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When she was at the lowest of her lows,  Britney  made this dark ass song. When I listen to it, I can’t help but think of her popping pills and manically feeding lil Sean Preston Cheetos for breakfast.  Despite nearly 6 years since it’s release, I still love love love blasting this jam on repeat whenever I’m on a downward drinking spiral.

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He is D-Nast Radio – Episode 8! Procrastinate and Listen Now!

Today’s episode of He is D-Nast Radio was certainly action packed! Not only did Smashley and I give our take on The X Factor Providence auditions, but I even perform a dirty dramatic reading from your mom’s spank bank favorite book, Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s a procrastinate-at-work MUST LISTEN.

And sadly, as all good things must come to an end, after today there are only 3 episodes of He is D-Nast Radio left. It’s been an amazing summer run and I’m so thankful for all of you paid friends fans that tune in. I promise these last eps will be RIDIC and most importantly we’ll finally answer the question you’ve all been asking: Will D-Nast and Smashley take their relationship to the next level (anal sex)? …only time will tell …so tune in!

Special thanks to Boston’s UNregular Radio as well as to Improv Asylum for all of your help.

Listen to episode 8 below and make sure to tune in LIVE next Sunday at 12:00 p.m. E.T. on UNregular Radio’s MEOW channel.

LISTEN HERE –> He is D-Nast Radio – Episode 8

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D-Nast Judges The X-Factor

Intern Kay and I pose for the paps at The X-Factor taping in Providence, RI

Happy Sunday kittens! Hopefully you’re drinking the day away like me, in denial that tomorrow is Monday! Anyways, I wanted to fill you all in about my Friday night visit to Rhode Island to see a taping of The X-Factor, a singing competition reality show starring Simon Cowell, L.A. Reid, Demi Lovato and BRITNEY SPEARS as judges. Yes, I said Britney and I hope you jizzed as much as I did at the thought of seeing America’s favorite pop princess in person.

The D-Nast dream team (me, Smash and intern Kay) headed down to Providence on Friday afternoon after cutting out of work early. We decided to pre-party at my favorite trashy restaurant/barcade, Dave & Busters. The tables were sticky, but it was worth it because daddy loves himself some sliders and buffalo wings! Plus, we got to make complete asses of ourselves playing arcade games.What’s not to love?

Then it was time for the action. We trotted across the street and waited in a hot, sweaty line of tween girls and closeted gays to file into the arena. The taping was emcee’d by some douchebag who used to host a show that aired at 3 a.m. called Street Smarts. He was lame and his jokes weren’t funny but the dumb tweens in the house ate it up when he played One Direction.

As for the judges, here are my observations:

  • Simon – just as crochety and lame as you’d expect him to be
  • L.A. Reid – dressed in a suit and kind of boring, but sometimes he brought the sass
  • Britney – Poor girl must be seriously depressed or on some conflicting meds because she could barely formulate a sentence, even though she was supposed to be giving feedback to the contestants. Her fiance/manager/robot controller (Jason Trawick), kept coming over to her during breaks to feed her lines in her ear. It was sad. I wish Brit Brit could be the fierce diva that America wants her to be.
  • Demi Lovato – Uber bitch! I was honestly disappointed with her. You know I love me some Demi but she was really mean to somemost of the contestants and she didn’t articulate herself very well. It’ll be interesting to see how they edit her on the show.

    Demi was a tad rude for my liking.

The contestants were mostly alright, but there was some serious stand-out talent that I cannot wait to see on TV, including:

  • An adorable school nurse rapper named “Miss Graphic.”
  • A 13-year-old girl with the most soulful voice ever who sang Nina Simone’s “Feeling Good” …it escapes me (too many drugs), but her name was Carly something.
  • A crazy young country-style chick who sang Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats,” with a cracked-out emphasis on the line, “I’M DRUNK.” Homegirl was like, 12.
  • Jillian Jensen, who got a standing ovation from all 4 judges (and who made Demi cry with her touching performance and talk about combating bullies).

Strong female leads all around! All in all it was a fun time.  Listen to this week’s D-Nast Radio episode for a full recap of the experience. What’d you do this weekend, D-Nasters?

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My First Make Out Sesh. With a girl!

1999 never looked so good.

It was the summer of 1999, I was an awkwardly scrawny kid desperately seeking puberty.  Fifteen at the time (ick, totally just dated myself), and still oblivious to my own raging homosexuality, I’d spend my summer days watching Buffy reruns, sneakily using the dial-up internet to search for “Jason Biggs pie humping clips” from this new movie I’d read about in my bible, Entertainment Weekly, and listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “Scar Tissue” on repeat.  Listening to RHCP made me feel edgier than I was. Overall, I was a nerd.

During these summer nights, I’d accompany most of my girl friends (Yuck! Strictly platonic, of course. I was still asexual at the time.) on their babysitting gigs.  This was one of my favorite summer activities because it gave me the opportunity to raid someone else’s cabinets.  My current high metabolism (Please don’t ever leave me) was even more like that of a hummingbird’s at the time.  “Mmm, these guys have Oreos and Funyons. My mom sucks.”  Whereas most parents wouldn’t allow the teen girls watching their children to invite boys over, it was a common neighborhood understanding that I was always acceptable.  Maybe it was because I was a staunch goody-two-shoes or maybe it was simply that anyone with common sense was clued in on something huge about me that I had yet to realize. GaaaaaY!

Anyways, there were these two small brats, Jim and Jessie, who lived in my apartment building at the time. Their mom, Joyce (or pick any other name for a middle-aged woman that equally screams “crazy” and “alcoholic”), really enjoyed the Tanqueray …as well as the pole …and would spend many a nights out on the town.  This one Friday, I was hanging around the building by myself as my mom always worked the evening shift.  A new babysitter was in town.  For legal reasons, I’ll call her Monica, but feel free to choose some other slutty teen name like Ally. Anyways, Monica had a reputation. She was from our rival neighboring town, Livermore Falls, and I

Girls are gross.

had heard a rumor that she’d messed around with my older brother a few years prior.  She was a mature 17 in comparison to my underdeveloped beanpole boy body.  I’m talking this girl had tits.  And sadly, whether she had a reputation or not, I’m sure that these sandbags made sure that everyone thought she did.

I had met Monica in the building hallway late that afternoon and she’d invited me to come play Barbies with the kids.  Not one to turn down the opportunity to rifle through Joyce’s Oreo cabinet, or the opportunity to listen to eight-year-old Jessie’s new Britney Spears’ cassette tape (Email My Heart for life!) I accepted Monica’s offer. The Barbie session went per usual; we created Days of Our LivesMarlena, Roman and John love triangle scenarios and then ended it off with a free-style choreography session to the Britney album.  The four of us danced the evening away and looking back on it now, I believe little Jim’s enthusiasm for the day translates into future queer as well (This is not confirmed. I have no idea where little Jim is today and haven’t seen the little queen in at least 13 years.).

As the night approached Jim and Jessie’s bedtimes, and Monica’s she-beast sex eyes kept undressing me, I knew it was almost time to make my exit. I’d finished the bag of Oreo’s and had Britney’d out for the day so there really was no reason for me to stay.  I tried for a swift exit, claiming diva exhaustion, but Monica shot at me like a Cobra springing towards a rodent homosexual.  “You’re not going right? We just got the kids to bed. It’s time for grown up fun now …Let’s watch a movie or something.”

My penis instantly shot up inside me, but my cat-like curiosity got the best of me, “Sure, isn’t 20/20 on tonight? I love that show.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s watch Skinemax instead,” she barked.

I’m not gay, I swear! I’m just “sensitive.”

As I purposely sat as far as humanly possible from her on the couch, I couldn’t help but notice that every 3 minutes she’d be at least five millimeters closer.  At this rate, she’ll be on my lap by 11:00.  I began to sweat in places that puberty hadn’t let me know existed yet as I continuously got more and more uncomfortable.  What did Monica want from me?  This is getting weird, I thought.

“So tell me …are you anything like your brother,” she asked, interrupting my awkwardness.

What did she mean? I instantly thought about the rumor of her and my brother from a few years back, threw up in my mouth a little, and tried to change the subject.   “Um, sure. So cats are cool, right?”

“Whatever. Have you ever even made out with a girl before?”

“Well, no, but ….” And then she was on me. Before I could get another word out her slug of a tongue was inside me.  It tasted like Cheetos.  I did the only thing I knew how to; I kept my mouth wide open and swiveled my tongue like the head of an electric toothbrush, letting her lead the way.  I was certainly a little grossed out, terrified even, but like a nasty pustule pimple, I had to move forward with popping this gross beast out of sheer curiosity.  So this is what making out’s like …am I supposed to move my hands at all?  Even if I was, my frail arms were pinned beneath her goliath sandbags.  I started to lose feeling in one of them for a minute. Monica kept tying to move her own arms towards my crotch, but I’d find some sort of eel-like swivel away from them.  This went on for a good ten minutes, my tongue

Me, heterosexually acting out my favorite movie, SCREAM, just two years prior.

swiveling/her writhing, until my panicked mind thought about the exchanges’ next steps.  Oh my god, was this going to lead to that creepy thing that all the kids in my school have been talking about and I’ve been ignoring for the past few years, fingering?  This consideration was too much for my virginal mind to bear. I was UNQUESTIONABLY not ready.   I quickly unhitched her heat seeking missile tongue from mine, shoved her off me faster than I had flipped the Britney cassette tape a thousand times earlier that day, and ran out the door, never looking back.

That night, while in bed, I replayed the evening’s events in my mind.  Was Monica going to tell anyone about my less than stellar

performance? Even worse, would she tell people how I ran out screaming like a girl?  These thoughts haunted my dreams for the rest of the summer of ‘99. And I NEVER saw Monica nor kissed a girl again.

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XXX Factor Makes My Inner Diva Implode

System Overload.

That’s right. The new season of X Factor has basically killed me. I just can’t handle Demi and Brit-Brit in one sitting. System overload. Read more here.

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Official Announcement: D-Nast is Getting a Radio Show!

Good Morning, faithful 22,019 nine readers! I’ve got some really exciting news …I’m getting my own radio show! I know, I know, these people are out of their minds for putting me on the air, but we’ll definitely make it fun while it lasts. 🙂

The show will be on Boston’s UNregular Radio Station. On their MEOW Channel.  Mark your calendars now because the show will be debuting on Sunday, May 13th at 12:00PM eastern-standard time, just in time for your Sunday-Funday hangover.

UNregular Radio is Boston’s biggest online radio station and has ruled the internet airwaves for the past year with thousands of listeners a day and 40 different shows broadcasting 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  UNregular is unconventional and uncensored.  It has a straight up talk and a tell-it-like-it-is attitude that you won’t find on any terrestrial radio station.  It is provocative at times, and a little rough around the edges, which fits perfectly with D-Nast’s fucked-up, gay, nasty, but outrageous, comedy brand.

Since I have the budget of negative five dollars, my show will be on weekly (Sundays) for a minimum of 3 months.  However, I’m hoping to secure some sponsors during that time so that we can last forever maybe a few more months. Therefore, if you know of any Boston or New England based, gay friendly businesses that are looking to advertise let D-Nast know. HeIsDnast@gmail.com

You can listen to the show and all of its ridiculous online for free by streaming it at http://www.unregularradio.com or by downloading the UNregular Radio app for free on your smart phones!!

I can’t wait to share my Sunday morning hangovers with you as we brunch, talk about Britney and Brangelina, hold each others hair back, and fart live on-air together.  Listen in to He is D-Nast Radio on May 13th!

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KONY 2012 Filmmaker Gets Naked …In Public!

Someone's got a case of the gay face.

In a bizarre twist this morning, the “Kony 2012” phenomenon, in my opinion, just got BETTER.

Recently,  you may have watched the viral video created by the non-profit, Invisible Children, which  aims to create a public awareness about Ugandan militia leader Joseph Kony. The video went viral, like Jersey Shore crabs, and has reached millions of viewers around the world in a mere few weeks.  In spite of all the public attention, however, the video has received much criticism due to alleged misstated facts.

Anyways, the video creator/do me, Jason Russell, took too much of the criticism to heart and went CRAZY (Brit-Brit circa 2007 style). Last Thursday afternoon he was taken into police custody after running around a San Diego street completely naked and making lewd gestures.

Enjoy here: (warning this vid contains nudity)

D-Nast is VERY disappointed he wasn’t in San Diego at the time, because boy looks like he’s packing some heat. Yum.

But the fun is just beginning, folks. Let the PR aftermath begin! According to Invisible Children’s publicist,

“Jason Russell was unfortunately hilariously hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition a case of the cray-crays… He is now receiving medical care and is focused on getting better. The past two weeks have taken a severe emotional toll on all of us, Jason especially, and that toll manifested itself in an unfortunate a delicious dong-wielding incident yesterday.”

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Long Live the Queen – Brit-Brit Face Morph!

Can I kiss on the lips the person that created this?

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