It’s official. It’s now so cold in New England that my penis has fully retracted inside me. I feel like Chaz Bono. This much penis retraction hasn’t happened since Rosie O’Donnell was cast as Betty Rubble.
In Boston it’s literally five degrees out right now. Five degrees! Even my sweet little, she-wolf, kitten, Geoffrey Whiskerbottoms, is upset. Little bitch practically clawed my face off when I pulled the covers off him this morning. It’s actually so cold I had to moisturize with Tapatio just to keep my skin looking alive today. Thank god things warm up next month from the HEAT of my birfday …Daddy’s turning
27 23! And as you all know, Daddy’s b-day is the event of the year.
Now where’s my flippin hot chocolate?!