Holy fuck balls! I can’t believe it. My stupid little Katie Holmes tweet was featured on the episode of Fashion Police last night on E! …And they even retweeted me! Dreams do come true people. Fashion Police this week, next week I’ll be Mrs. Ryan Gosling. Mmmmh!!!
So happy that the old washed-up beef-curtain supreme, Joan Rivers, recognizes a good tweet when she sees one.
P.S. Kelly Osbourne call me (maybe) and share your purple hair secret. Daddy needs to be eggplant-chic too.
4. Never, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, mix your prescripts with your recreationals. Unless it’s Friday… cuz then you’ve got at least two days to recover.
3. Always ask yourself, “Am I exercising enough to alleviate all my added stress and tension?” If yes, then take an Ambien and call it quits. If no, then remember you can never do too many kegels and squat thrusts. Give that chili-hole a good workout. An extra 200 before bed never hurt nobody. Just make sure to stretch first.
2. I know that Viking Eric Northman is hot, but try not to watch too much TV, or use the computer too obsessively for porn, right before hitting the hay. Try the always relaxing (and boring) old past-time of reading. Nothing gets me more in the fetal position than reading about how Angelina emasculates Brad on a daily basis in what many call “our generation’s BIBLE,” US Weekly.
If this all fails, just jerk it till you pass out.
Funny Bone(R) alert!
As you know by now, dear readers, I’m a big fan of all that is trashy. One of my all-time fave guilty pleasures when I’m home during the day is WTT (white trash television). You know what I’m talking about. Maury. Jerry. Ricki. All the classics.
This Maury spoof video is magical and it’s not too far off from the guests that actually appear on the show. Let’s hope this bitch doesn’t give birth to a demon child. Enjoy!
P.S. – what’s YOUR favorite popsicle flavor? I like chocolately fudgsicles myself 😉
And brought to you by the ever yummy, Joel McHale. Do me, Joel.
Here’s a quick shot of some vintage D-Nast from The Sarah Silverman Program circa 2009. I was an extra in two SHITeous episodes. Best days of my life. See if you can spot me in the background (wearing green plaid) at minute 1:25. Can you say scene stealer? You eat those waffles, D-Nast!